Phoenix


Hello, hello.

Welcome back to my personal corner on the Internet, and to July. By this time–after having barely survived through the first half of the year–most of us have gone back to our old selves, the ones we swore we would change in 2017 (like that ever happens). As far as New Year resolutions go, I’m not very optimistic, because I’m a believer in the ‘now or never’ line of thinking, but I whole-heartedly encourage all others who see the new year as a set of 365 chances that they can take to make their lives better.

Anyway. I digress from the point (as usual).

After six months of 2017 down the drain, if there’s one thing I can say, it’s this: to pick yourself up after a tragedy takes immense amount of strength, and sometimes, it takes a whole lot of time, too. The said tragedy could be anything, but the aftermath of all of them are the same: you feel you are broken on the inside, and nothing (and nobody) can piece you back together.

And you know what? You are right. Nobody else is going to patch you up and fix all the things that are wrong with you; you are going to have to do it yourself. Sure, it may take a ginormous amount of strength, and even more patience (along with sleepless nights, hysterical crying, and yelling at blank air), but you will get there.

A friend once told me that to be able to create a new reality for yourself, you should have the courage to break old patterns and habits. Breaking patterns is how new worlds emerge. It may sound scary, and it should because it is downright the scariest thing you will ever do in your life–giving up the known and familiar for The Unknown. But it needs to be done, and the good news is, you don’t have to do it alone.

We are born alone, we die alone, but we don’t have to fight alone. And take it from someone who has paid a visit to The Dark Side, you don’t need an army to help you back on your feet. Sometimes, having just one person you know will answer your calls at 2 AM when you’re having a breakdown, is more than enough (I love you, Nano). Also, it helps to have someone give you a not-so-subtle reality check, every once in a while.

The point is, things may never be just right, you know? But sometimes, they just get even worse, and you feel like you have lost all reason to live. Dying isn’t really an option, and you are stuck in this ugly place between living and not quite, with no way out. You want answers, you want justice, but most of all, you just want back whatever (or whoever) it is that you lost.

The only thing that you need to believe in at times like these, is this: it gets better. It does. You don’t have to believe me; just look back at your life, and I’m sure you’ll find many moments where you thought your life had ended, and yet, here you are. Hold on to that hope.

Be the phoenix, the one that rises from its own ashes, stronger and more beautiful than ever.

It’s now or never.

Love,

Snigdha

 

Reality & Real Life


Yep, I know that the title implies that reality and real life are two different things. I also know what you’re thinking–what the hell, Snigdha?

Allow me to explain.

Reality is a phenomenon.

Real life, on the other hand, dear friends, is what you and me go through every single day.

Real life is the movie of you and I, and reality is the villain.

Get the picture now?

Good.

Since the past week, three different people have asked me if I was depressed and/or upset over something, which wouldn’t be that amusing if people had done that before ever in the first twenty freaking years of my life. I’ve been miffed over one thing or the another quite often since the day I was born, but did anyone bother? Oh, no. So, you may be able to understand how shocking it was to realize that someone did notice something about me, however incorrect.

Now, there could be a million conclusions from the above incident. But you know what I decided? There are a lot of fish in the sea, so to speak.

Remember lesson #1 from the end-0f-February post? Here: the first choice is not necessarily the correct choice.

If you screw something up once doesn’t mean you’ll never set it correct again, because that’s just not true. One day, it might just seem like everything is shot to hell, and it is extremely scary, I know. Time passes, days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and then, eventually, it doesn’t hurt as much to breathe. I’m not saying you completely get over everything, but at least you keep yourself busy with other things, your heart and your brain tugging in polar opposite directions.

But you know what?

Everything does work itself out.

And that, my friends, is the battle between reality, and real life. Real life always goes on, proceeds at its own pace, doesn’t stop at all, doesn’t care whether you’re ready or not to match your step with it.

Reality, on the other hand, could be a single truth that holds you by the jugular, keeping you stuck there. But trust me, if you ever feel stuck, you always have the power to unstick yourself. Just, let go.

Not all things have to end with hate and disregard, you know. Sometimes, people don’t click, it’s as simple as that. Every single relationship is very easy and very good in the beginning–that’s how it is. The person(s) you are with is nothing short of the answer to all of life’s problems, the only missing thing in your life. However, after a while, the rosy tint begins to wear off, the cracks start to appear, and let’s face it: your perfect relationship isn’t so perfect anymore.

Some of the said relations can be saved through persistence and patience, just by sticking around for a long enough duration, but not all of them are so easy to maintain. If it takes two to start something, it takes at least that much to keep it going.

So, you know, if it’s not working, don’t push yourself anymore. The Beatles once said “you have to know when to quit” and they were right on the money when they said that. Make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons, but also at the right time, and quit.

You would receive a lot comments about how you’ve ‘changed’, but let’s face it, if they knew your reasons, they would understand. And if you love something/someone, you have to let them be free to change–that’s the golden rule.

If you think that you are some kind of hero for holding on to dead relations, or by holding on to your anger, think again. You might be performing on a stage with only yourself as an audience. It’s like drinking poison, sip by sip, and hoping someone else dies: worthless. So, yeah, don’t do that.

The battle between reality and real life need not always be a bad thing, you know. It is what keeps you going, forces you to keep pushing through the darkness. You just have to learn how to manage your head and heart in a better way. We could do it together, lovelies. It’ll be easier, trust me.

—————————————————–

Things change, people change. Change is inevitable, and you can’t stop it by saying “just like seasons, people change.”

You can’t stop change, so might as well stop complaining about it.

Breaking old patterns, changing them, is how new worlds emerge.

And trust me, you are hilariously inadequate when it comes to stopping it.

Get your act together, woman.

The world awaits.

 

I’ll see you guys soon.

Love,

Snigdha

Are We There Yet?


Aloha, everyone! 😀

Okay. Let’s take a few long, deep breaths. One, two, breathe. 

The reason that I did this little activity with you guys is simple: we’re cleansing our systems. You know, like when you’re starting over with something important? Yeah. Like that. 😉

So, a few FYIs to bring all of you up to speed with all that has happened in my life in the few days that I have been AWOL.

1) I finally found my happy place. I got in at a great University, and although there are many who think it’s not the correct choice (you know who you are), with all due respect to all of them, it’s not their place to judge.

2) My father and I came to an understanding in our relationship. It’s not like him and I suddenly became the perfect Daddy-Daughter pair, oh no. We just realized that our relationship is faulty (like most everything else in this world), and we’re both trying to fill the crevices the best we can, without compromising on our self-esteem. It’s not all perfect, but we’re trying.

3) I realized that oh, dear GOD, I’m going to be nineteen in two freaking months. :O

4) Recently, I rediscovered the girly part of my being, the little girl who loves shiny and pretty things.

5) My best friends, Divija and Sakshi, pushed me over the edge, and the result is that I finally mustered up the courage to follow my dreams. As a result of which, Mom and I reached a compromise. Over the next four years, I shall be an Engineering student (like Mom wanted), specialization in Information Technology (my choice).

Phew. *heaves a long sigh*

Yeah, that’s about it. 😉

Now, I think I’m ready for whatever it is that shall come next.

Good, bad or downright oh-my-God-why-me? moments, I’m ready for all of them (no God, it’s not an invitation. Please don’t throw in some random problems in my way just because I said I’m ready.)

So, yeah. Tomorrow is going to be the first day at college. I’m going to go get a little bit excited about it.

You, my loves, go do anything and everything that makes you happy.

Take it from someone who knows, it doesn’t end well if you’re always listening to others and not yourself.

It’s now or never.

Love,

Snigdha ❤

P.S. This song has been a constant presence in the crazy summer months. Of course, it’s from One Tree Hill😉

We Are Infinite


When I started this blog almost three years ago, I had no idea what I was looking for. People? Maybe. Friends? Kind of. But what I always knew I wanted to find were stories. Stories of real people with real problems, and how they faced it all with unreal courage. And I’m so thankful to all of you who read Coffee & Curiosity, because you guys? You inspire me each and every day. Each one of you.

This posts is dedicated to one such extraordinary woman who braved a deadly disease, and still continues to do so: Heather Von St. James. I don’t know Heather personally. I haven’t met her, and I got to know her story from her husband, Cameron, in all of two e-mails. But an inspiration isn’t measurable in words. It just is what it is.

Heather was diagnosed with mesothelioma, a rare lung cancer. She had just given birth to a baby girl, Lily, and the docs had given her 15 months to live. Heather went through a critical surgery, got her left lung removed, and it’s been eight years now. Every year, on February 2nd, Heather and her family celebrate Lung Leavin’ Daywhere they write their fears on a plate and then smash it. In Cameron’s words, ‘We celebrate for those who are no longer with us, for those who continue to fight, for those who are currently going through a tough time in their life, and most importantly, we celebrate life.’

One moment, one day, and so much difference in the world. All of us are afraid of one thing or the other, but the fear of death is like the common plague. Everyone’s scared of it. Why? Because even though you might not want to believe it, there is too much to lose. There are people who love you, and want to be with you. Your dreams are yours, and if you’re gone, they’ll go out with you.

Just think. You are a big part of this world, and you don’t even know it.

Giving up is the greatest tragedy, as I’ve said so many times before. So, you know, don’t do it. There are many who have it worse than you. Think about them, think about the people who love you, and keep going. There’s always going to be a light at the end of the tunnel. You’re infinite–reach out as far as you can.

Thank you to Cameron for sharing Heather’s story with me. I’ll never forget you. Wish you all the best for your future, and may LungLeavin’Day keep growing.

And you, my lovely readers, remember: it’s now or never.

Love,

Snigdha

Fear or Disappointment?


Hey!

Yes, I know, you hate me for being so irregular, unless you’re a senior whose been caught up in the same mess as me. Considering that the chances of that happening aren’t very high, I’d like to apologize.

So I have my exams coming up, and I’m really worked up about them. It’s just that last year wasn’t that great, and besides my best efforts, I’m still scared. It’s not just the fear of failing myself again, but the disappointment that bothers me. I know, there’s nothing to worry about, and that it’ll all be okay, but let’s just say some things are easier said than done.

Calculus, for example. And don’t even get me started on Physics.

It’s actually funny, being so scared of something you don’t even like, or would gladly do away with. I think this is what is so gloriously termed as ‘the irony of life’.

It’s been awfully long since I’ve met my best friends, and Divija says she hates me because of that. Sakshi is constantly screaming at me to pick up the phone, which I cannot, because I’m always studying. I know, my best friends love me. And I love them, back. 😉

I got featured on Spread Information’s Facebook’s fan page, which came as the best surprise in a long time. People actually like what I write, which is even more surprising. Talk about low self-esteem. :/

Well, okay, time to go. It’s time to take the flak, deal with the issues that have forced me to have sleepless nights, and long, tiring days (read Calculus).

Wait for me, and hope I don’t die of the cramming sessions that seem to be taking up most of my time when I’m awake.

Love,

Snigdha