” No matter how hard you try, things don’t always turn out the way you wish they could. ”
– Colleen Hoover, Without Merit
I feel like in every end-of-the-year post, I say that the year ‘went by too fast’, or ‘I don’t know where it went’, and honestly, the last couple of years really did flew me by, no joke.
2017, however, was different.
I can say that since day one, 2017 has presented me with surprises and challenges that have changed me in ways which (quite frankly) I didn’t think were possible anymore. 2017 broke me, lifted me back up, threw me up, down and sideways, and yet, here we are: it’s time to say goodbye to 2017.
Instead of recounting all the months and their specific moments, allow me to tell you a story with pictures and the lessons learnt, take you for a ride through this one hell of a year that I’m going to remember till kingdom come.
Here it is, for your entertainment and pleasure, rewind 2017:
17. It’s okay to be not okay all the time.
The first three months of 2017 were difficult for me, and they included a two weeks’ worth of hospital stay, a million pills and injections, and a body so broken I could not move from my bed for a solid week even after I was discharged from the hospital. It was a hard (and well-deserved) slap in the face, a wake-up call that gave me a lot of perspective on how I had been pushing myself too hard and too much, and that nothing and nobody is worth your life, no matter how important it/they may seem.
16. Recovery is not a solitary process.
While being sick gave me time to think about what I’d been doing wrong and how I was the absolute worst at taking care of myself, the recovery that followed gave me the opportunity to realize that I did not have to heal all by myself. There were people there for me, people who loved me and cared about me, and let’s just say that it was all smooth sailing from the moment I fully and completely accepted the help and support that they were willing to give me. I can’t ever thank you guys enough, you know who you are.
15. Letting go is sometimes as painful as holding on too hard.
April was a tough one, I’ll admit, but it (with a lot of help from Ayushi and Nano) gave me all the tough love that I so desperately needed to pick my life back up. I realized that holding on to something that was not going to happen was hollowing me out; but I also realized how excruciatingly difficult it is to let go of something you have been holding on to for so long. The point is, sometimes, pain is inevitable, but it won’t last forever. Make the choice you need to make for yourself.
14. Be kind, be unwavering in love.
It’s so easy to be adamant when being angry at someone; 2017 made me see how important it is to be show the same strength when we love someone, too (although it is hundred times more difficult than being mad at them). The summer of 2017 was an exercise in staying true to myself and my feelings, and I did make out of it alive, so that’s a job well done.
13. Keep the promises you make to yourself.
It’s the toughest job in the world, keeping all the promises you make to yourself, because life always gets in the way. In 2017, I made a promise to myself to change things and how I treated myself and my body, and I think I did keep it, to some extent. It’s still a work in progress, but the start has been very satisfying, I can tell you as much.
For as long as I can remember, I've been fat. And although my scintillating personality more than makes up for it (no joke), life–and people–are not especially kind when you're fat. There have been days where wearing more than two jackets meant I was going to need more than one seat in the metro, or be choked to death by the seat belt of my own car. I'm a smiley person (thank you, @_mishra_anshu), and what good is a smiley if they can't smile without their eyes closing? Above all this, being fat meant my body was tired all the time, but I kept pushing nonetheless (school & college weren't going to take care of themselves), and one fine day this March, my body broke. Two weeks in the hospital later, I was on my bed, lying on my back because turning on to my sides hurt. Eating hurt, drinking hurt, and even swallowing my spit hurt. I know what you're thinking: that was the day I decided to change. Well, you're partially right. I decided to change things, but it was my mother who ensured I followed through it all. She woke up with me every morning at 5:30 and went to bed only after I did. She listened to my rants when I started going crazy after I gave up coffee (those dark, dark days), and held me when I cried with all the frustration. Thank you, Maa ❤ Now, 6 months later and 22 kgs lighter, I realize that any big change requires determination, sure, but it also requires support of people who love you and decide to stick by you when things get tough. And I know now that to get through any difficult situation, you just got to keep putting one foot in front of another. #Bye2017 #ThankyouMom #FatToAlmostFit #ToughRide
12. It’s not essential to always have a plan.
I’m a control freak, but I learnt that not having a plan comes with its own sweet freedom that I quite like. Sure, it’s not a lifestyle choice I would make for myself, but it is a nice change from strict routines with no deviations. I think I have Ayushi to thank for that, for being patient with my demands and obligations, and being my partner in crime for the some of the best days that I’ve had this year. Thank you, girl. I owe you.
11. You are your a superhero in your own right, admit it.
If you make it from one day to the next, if you solve problems instead of running away from them, and/or if you wake up to deal with the same demons you were dealing with yesterday: you, my friend, are a superhero, and I salute your strength. I learnt this lesson the hard way, but now that I have, I want you to know it too: you are loved and wanted and the world needs more of you.
10. The best way to give yourself closure is to forgive.
For the longest time, I was angry: at people for being so ignorant, and at the world in general for being just so damn unfair. I demanded closure, even needed it desperately, until I realized that once I let the anger go, everything just fell in place. The point is, stop being angry at things not being the way you wanted them to be, because rejection is just your life getting redirected toward better things, and I mean it.
9. Making your mother smile is the best feeling in the world.
You all know exactly what I mean. There is no other joy more profound than making your mother proud.
8. With the right people, everything becomes so much more fun.
This has been a recurring them this year, the feeling of pure joy one gets when they are with the people who matter to you, and to whom you matter just as much, if not more.
7. People surprise you in the best ways possible.
2017 showed me how we give too little credit to people, and how they can surprise us in the best ways possible if we only let them. Sure, it takes a lot hits and misses to find the ones who’ll stay, but I assure you it is so worth it.
6. Worry about it only if you can control it.
This is a very important one that 2017 hammered into me, and my life is so much better for it, too. This year was crucial in terms of my future, and while I was nervous, sure, I realized that all I could do in that situation was do my best and leave the rest to the higher power. I did so, and things fell in place. Take my advice, and stop sweating about things that are beyond your circle of control, and focus on what you can do about a situation instead. You’re welcome.
5. Do not suffer in silence, especially for the wrong people.
I know people think it is noble to be the silent sufferer (I used to be one of them), but there is nothing heroic about putting yourself through hell for anyone, especially for someone who probably does not even care. Get it out, let it be known and clear your heart and your conscience, because take it from someone who knows, these things weigh you down so bad, it becomes difficult to breathe after a while. Don’t put yourself through that.
4. Put yourself first.
If you feel like there is too much to do and too little time, just stop, take a breath and determine what’s best for you, and do it without thinking. Righteousness is great, but it’s no use if you are not truly happy being righteous.
3. Be relentless in the pursuit of anything and everything that sets your soul on fire.
2017 was the year of achievements, and my favorite one out of all the things that I’ve done this year was participating in NaNoWriMo 2017. Lesson learnt: if you love doing something, find time to do it, every single day.
2. Find the beauty is ordinary things.
The easiest way of being happy is to find reasons where you are, and with the people you are. Sometimes, catching a movie with friends and having street food is the best way to spend a Saturday, and/or having a quiet lunch at home while watching scary movies with them is an ideal Sunday. Find reasons to be happy, and be immensely grateful for them.
1. Be the best version of yourself, because you’re the only one this world has.
I know there are times where we just want to go back to sleep, or stay indoors, not do anything–but in doing so, we deprive the world of our magic, which is straight up criminal. So, you know, don’t do that. Be the best possible version of yourself, and spread your beauty like pixie dust. You’ll sleep a lot better.
Before ending this post, I want to thank a few people who have made 2017 so much more memorable and endearing. I love each one of you, and from the bottom of my heart, thank you ❤
The rock that keeps my world in place.
My heart in a picture.
My partner in crime for anything and everything, always.
The voice of reason and insanity, simultaneously.
The light in my day.
Laddoo, my boo. You’re crazy but I love you.
The light house that guided a sinking ship to shore, to safety, to happiness.
The best thing that’s ever been mine.
Here’s wishing that the coming year is as beautiful as the one before it, and that we live through it with as much vigor and love and strength, if not more.
Here’s to a fulfilling future.
Happy new year, fellas.