2015 will breathe its last tomorrow (and I’m heading over to my grandmamma’s home for a solid week, yay!), but before that happens, I got to make a few adjustments to my plan of action (that usually, very conveniently, doesn’t materialize without intense hard work).
Look, the thing is, Shivani hammered this thing into my brain real well: if you refuse to accept something, you can never change it. Honestly, I knew this was ticking at the back of my mind since a longgggg time, but I’d never really said it out loud, for my omnipresent fear of change. But, no more of that.
I finally came to terms with the fact that love, once it gets to you, never really leaves you alone. Trust me, I tried. I tried so damn much, it threw me off-track so many times this past year. You want to know how many failed attempts I made in 2015 at unhinging myself from a certain someone?
Three. Three times, in twelve months. And there’s absolutely zero progress. The truth is, my good feelings always win over my bad feelings. It’s a habit now, one too hard to break. So, you know what? I’m done trying to fight the truth now. I’m just so done trying to prove a point, always ending up feeling miserable in the end.
I don’t care if people judge me. I do not care, because well, my happiness is in mine (and his, to a very big extent) hands, and it’s going to stay that way. I’m going to go ahead and take all chances I can. It’s not about what you get in return, it’s about what you can give to all those who mean the world and more to you.
Two, I did a major overhaul of the people I want to associate with, in the coming year. The bottom line is, there’s no fixed plan. I don’t have a set criteria for choosing people, I’m just going to play it by ear, hoping that the choices I make are going to good ones. Hope springs eternal, people.
Thank God for Nano, my queen. *hugs and kisses to you, princess*
Three, I don’t owe it to the world or anyone in it to always worry about everything. After twenty years of always toeing the line, being on my best behaviour, I think I’m due for a break.
And four, I am never in my life letting things out of my control, because then I’m just left with ruined moments that become a sore spot in my heart for the rest of my life. So, no more of that.
I guess these are it, my final stance before this beautiful/maddening year draws to a close.
Goodbye, 2015. It was nice meeting you.
May the coming years be infinite times more memorable than this one.