Day 299


Today, October 26th, happens to be the 299th day of the year. Everyone, go right ahead and pat yourself on the back for making it this far into the year. Just 66 more to go, and 2016 shall greet you.

Time got new rocket-propelled wings, I see. 😛

Anyway.

2015 has been a hell of a ride, honestly, up, down and sideways. But you know the thing about these terrific rides that get your heart pumping?

They get over too quick.

Which leaves you thinking back to those adrenaline-pumping moments, but thinking can only give you so much satisfaction (which, let’s be real here, isn’t that much).

I feel the same way.

2015 was over too quick. Lots of work, lots of stuff to deal with, many people riding my last nerve majority of the time, you know, the works. I think we’ve established the fact that time is a world-class trickster, tweaking the rules and your life according to its own free will.

I’ll be really honest with you, I expected a lot more from 2015. Maybe not more, but different, definitely. But then again, maybe this is for the best, who knows? Does anybody ever know how what they are doing/saying right now may or may not change their future?

No, they do not.

The allure of life lies in these little uncertainties, the little surprises that keep bobbing up to the surface every now and then, encouraging you to get through this day and onto the next. Little things, people. They do matter.

So, in honor of today being Day 299, I shall share with you people some things that I’ve discovered about myself, with and without other people’s (read Nano, and my mom) help. Are you ready? Here goes:

  • I have an Achilles’ heel: if something is broken, I want to be the one to fix it, no matter how that thing got broken/disturbed/destroyed in the first place. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it’s not, it doesn’t matter. I’ll stoop down, swallow my pride, and try to smooth things out.
But there’s only so much you can do to fill a bottomless pit. I’ve discovered that there’s a limit to which I try; beyond that, you’re on your own. Some people believe that I’ve ‘changed’ or whatever, but I’m certain that is more to do with me (finally) objecting to things that I don’t find appropriate, than anything else.
  • I sing a lot of old Hindi songs when there’s something on my mind, pleasant or otherwise. The songs work as excellent placeholders, and save me the trouble of conversation. If you listen closely to the songs I sing (read mutter under my breath, very faintly audible), I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t ever have to say anything at all.
  • If I love someone (family/friend), there’s very little that convinces me that they’re not worth the love and care and affection. I mean it. You could literally scream right into my ear about their million flaws, and I wouldn’t listen, no joke. My relationships with people are not dependent on anybody else’s views about them, but mine. This is one thing I’m proud of, because this way, my decisions are my own. I screw up, it’s on me. I run the show here, no matter who writes the script.
  • These are two separate things, but I always connect the two of them: my fierce sense of independence, and the equally fierce (if not more) issues that I have with authority. As far being independent is concerned, I’m extremely driven, and this is something everyone who even remotely knows me, will agree with. I have a single and solid back-up plan: me. I trust people, sure. I trust people a lot, like handing out free candies at Halloween or something.
But actually counting on someone? No, thank you. This is something I’ve never done. I don’t like to stand back and watch while someone else saves the day, because I’d rather be the one doing it. This is not only about me being a feminist, but just being responsible in general. Once you get the hang of it, of being in-charge, there’s little else that satiates you the way calling the shots does.
————————————————————————————————-
Of course, there’s a lot more that happened in the past 298 days, but hey, there’s 66 more to go, right? Let’s just let it all happen, and then maybe I’ll make a list. Who knows? 😉
This post is random and maybe even blunt, but it was a long time coming. Sometimes, words just flow right out of you. And those, ladies and gentlemen, are the truest of them all.
I’ll see you guys later.
Miss me while I’m gone.
Love,
Snigdha
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