The world is a big, scary place not to have people who believe in you.
Trust me, it is.
The said people don’t necessarily have to love you, or even like you. They just have to have enough belief that you’ll act in a certain way, whatever the circumstances may be. People have expectations from you because they believe in you; it’s as simple as that. Expectations can be a burden, but also an anchor–it’s what holds you in place, reminds you that somewhere, someone believes in you.
Of late, the only thing that has been in mind is that I don’t remember a single day of the second semester, apart from the first one. From February till right now, it’s been one big, ridiculously blurry picture. I don’t remember the faces. I can’t recall the words that I said, or were spoken to me.
I don’t even remember feeling alive, at any point of time in the past three months. I remember working though–working on files, studying for exams, etcetera etcetera. I just remember my hand moving, knowing that something or the other is due the next day, the worry that I always feel in the pit of my stomach till the work is done.
Apart from that? Nothing. My mind’s been blank. And black. Power out, ladies and gentlemen. The entire grid had failed.
But you know what happened yesterday? A small part of my memory re-manifested itself in real life: my expectations of someone came to fruition. This just goes to show that time may change a lot of stuff, but it can’t entirely alter the person you are at your core, can’t tamper your spirit. Some habits once formed, some relationships once forged, can’t be broken by anything at all, not even time.
They just can’t.
Maybe you don’t agree with me right now, but trust me, it gets better. If you have the strength to deal with what’s bothering you, the power to resist the urge to just abandon everything and run away, it will get better.
Nobody forgets you well enough to quit having expectations from you, you know. The past doesn’t disappear once it’s gone–it becomes a memory. And memories, ladies and gentlemen, are as dangerous or beautiful as you want them to be. They’re your own, all yours.
Be happy about it and hold on tight to them. If you want something to last forever, you can’t rush it right now. You give some, you get some, right?
I’ll see you guys soon. Miss me while I’m gone. You know it, it’s now or never.