Nope, still not dead. Try again, busy college life. 😛
Honestly, I don’t have any great excuse to explain my absence at all. Nothing. It’s just been the same stuff–go to college, try to study, come back home tired, try to study again, go out for a drive, come home later, eat, sleep. And repeat.
It’s just been, well, boring. Stagnant, almost. Time has passed swiftly, if you look at the larger picture (I mean, wasn’t it just February like, yesterday?), but on a day-to-day basis, it’s passing in such horrible dragging lurches, it’s not even funny. Just getting from one day to another seems like such a monumental task in itself. Almost every night, I’ve either slept dreamlessly, or not slept at all.
No dreams. No nothing, except for the past few days. But that, I’m sure, has more to do with the air conditioner than with my mental stability.
Seriously. Somebody will lock me up in a padded cell soon. I’m practically dangerous to the human population, with all the stress and worries and questions and queries bubbling inside of me.
You probably wouldn’t believe me, but I’ve been trying to come up with a post since the last four days. Four whole days, and I couldn’t string together a decent post to share with you guys. You know why? Because of late, I feel like there’s this layer of insulation between my thoughts and my coherent mind. I know I’m thinking something, and it’s constantly nagging at the back of my consciousness, but I can’t put it into words. I can’t hear my own thoughts, because my brain is too noisy. I’m always looking for something–looking for answers, for voices, for god knows what.
All I know is that I’m restless all the time, even when I’m sleeping. Nobody listens, because I don’t speak. From the outside, I’m quiet and indifferent as ever, but inside is another story altogether. I’m losing touch with things, that’s probably the best way to explain everything right now.
My system needs a reboot. The silence is deafening.
Apart from the said glories of my generally glorious life, I’ve also learnt that people in general are scared to waiting. The wait could be for anything and/or anyone, but it’s scary nonetheless. The very idea of time passing away without anything spectacular or life-altering happening with them or around them, is a fearful prospect. Which is kind of strange to me, because personally, waiting works quite well. I mean, what if you make a hasty decision only to watch everything blow up in your face?
Time is a miracle-worker, you know. It can heal so much, change so much. People change, sometimes they leave, sometimes they come back to you, come home. None of this can happen if you don’t wait. It’s a necessary evil, people. You give some, you get some.
Wait it out, if you can. You don’t know what might be waiting for you at the other end of the tunnel.
I’ll see you guys soon.