Hey! I’m back (although for a little while)! Exams are right around the corner, starting September 24th (and we start with Math, which is exactly the kind of icing on the cake I needed), and with the little amount of time I could squeeze out and the ginormous lot to share, I’m here! 🙂
It’s raining! Not the sweaty-irritating-and-annoying kind of rain, but the winter-is-on-its-way kind of rain — the kind I absolutely love. Strange as it may sound, the rain reminds me of Tyler. No idea why. But it’s a good feeling, better than I’ve felt in a long time now. A good pain, like pulling a thorn out of your foot.
I am looking forward to October, my birthday on the 5th, and then the little trip to USA with my friends. Something tells me something big and in all probability, life-changing, is going to happen for good.
And guess what? Someone finally forgave me, and although all is not as before, we’re now at far better terms with each other than before. Good start, right? I know 😀
I’m a little confused about some stuff, and hope to put it in proper order soon, because to tell you the truth, it is just tiring. I don’t want to be perfect; I just want to be happy.
I found a friend — a very nice, genuinely good friend. He’s like Jason (the male lead in Yours, Truly if you forgot), only nerdier. And I shall say no more, because I don’t want to jinx it. Maybe later, but not now. Shhhh. 😉
It’s been so long since I wrote The Color of Awesome! I can barely breathe when I think how good it could be, if only I had the time to sit and write.
Life is treacherous, I’m telling you 😛
Well, see you soon (hopefully)! Leaving you with a random excerpt form Take My Hand (something I started writing, and am struggling to finish). Hope you like it!
There are times in life when all you feel like doing is giving up. But there will always be someone who wouldn’t let you do that, someone who will do anything and everything in their power to keep you going. Take it from someone who knows, things just keep getting worse once you decide to surrender.
Don’t do that.
I’ve been living my room since the past three weeks all alone, and Luke has just gone bonkers trying to get me downstairs. He’s scared I might just give in to the temptation and well, kill myself.
But that’s not the case. The thing is that in my opinion, I’ve done enough injustice to Gracie by stuffing all of her stuff in the attic when I promised to myself I wouldn’t, and now I don’t want to insult her memories by letting go of her so soon.
Moreover, I really think that Luke has admitted defeat; he’s stopped badgering me now to get downstairs, ‘cause he’s spending more and more time at the Café. I rarely see him at home, and although he thinks that since he’s never around I’ll never know how brokenhearted he is, he’s sorely mistaken. I see right through him—the way he talks, hardly exchanges words with anyone, least of all me, and the way the food he now makes tastes like it’s rancid.
So, that’s why Ashley is living with me. She moved in two days ago after Luke requested her to, and settled everything with her parents. I’m sitting on my bed writing in Grace’s journal in the middle of afternoon—Mr. Harper allowed me to stay at home for as long as I want—when she appears in the doorway holding a sandwich in one hand and her much-loved salad in another.
‘OK, enough.’ She snatches the journal out of my hands, and hands me the sandwich. ‘Eat this now, Nate.’
‘I’m not hungry, Ashley.’ I tell her blankly. She looks at me with one eyebrow raised.
‘I don’t care. Gobble this down, or I swear I’m going to start swinging.’ She threatens me, and her attempt to do so cracks me up. Ashley doesn’t weigh any more than hundred-twenty pounds or so, and even though she does try to take a swipe to me, I doubt if it’ll do any good.
I take a bite of the sandwich, given that she is my only company these days, and I don’t want to fight with her, because that’s what I’ve been doing ever since Grace passed away—fighting. With Luke, Kevin, Ashley; even with myself, and the memories of my sister.
‘Do you think I should go to school from next week?’ I ask Ash, who looks up at me from her salad with an amused look all over her pretty face
‘I’d say you shouldn’t bother about that. School’s anyway going to be closed down in a day or two for summer. I’m thinking about ditching, too.’ She smiles mischievously at me. I smile back at her, and that’s the end of the conversation. In fact, this ought to have been the longest conversation I’ve had in a while with anybody. That’s how it’s been for the past two weeks with me. The tape that used to rewind and play again from the time when my parent’s left has lately been stuck at the afternoon I saw Grace cold and lifeless. It’s like whoever is in-charge of time forgot to push the ‘play’ button of my life.
I tell Ashley I’m going out for a walk alone, and get out of the house and into the bright sun that is beating down on the ground. Beating down on me. I walk in the opposite direction as Tamara’s house, because I know that if she sees me, she would definitely launch into her you-need-to-be-around-people speech, which I so don’t want to hear now.
At the moment, all I want to do is sit on the dock and watch the waves as they crash onto the shore. After Luke adopted us, he would bring me and Grace down to the dock every evening to watch as the sun went down in the water, and the beautiful colors the sky turns into when it sets, setting the water ablaze. Gracie loved the dock. She used to come and sit there for hours, and sometimes without letting anyone of us know, too. But we all knew where to find her.
Except this time.
You can say that I come down here every day in hopes to find my sister sitting there—playing her flute while she watched the water turn bright orange, then a deep scarlet as the sun decided to leave—and I’m afraid I’m in no place to contradict the assumption. Although it’s not possible, I do hope that I would see her again, someday. Maybe sooner than later.
I sit down, stretching my legs in front of me, when I hear the wood creaking under the weight of someone, and I know I’m not alone.
‘Hey, buddy.’ Kevin says, sitting down next to me. He’s brought his own flute, because besides being my best friend, he’s a musician, too, just like Gracie. I think Ashley must have told him about my frequent visits to the dock, and that’s why he meets me there often, and although I don’t ask him to, he plays the flute for me every time we’re together at the anchorage. I never tell him that, but listening to him play does make me feel closer to my sister in ways more than one, and that’s the time I actually feel complete.
‘Hi.’ I smile at him, and he opens the flute case, and starts playing without another word. All of a sudden, everything that had been comatose since the past few days, comes to life. The waves blend in with the melody of the flute, and the wind seems to dance to its beat. I close my eyes, and there she is. Right in front of me, practicing in the lobby, tapping her feet to the beats, swinging her head from side to side as she plays.
My lovely little sister.
Kevin plays for what must have been a really long time, because when he puts the instrument down, he is totally out of breath, and his eyes are wild with excitement, just like the way Grace’s used to be after a long practice session. I guess that’s the thing about musicians; for them music really is the food of love.
‘When are you coming to school, man? There’s barely any time left before the vacation.’ Kevin asks me, gulping down water from the flask that he carries everywhere.
‘Ash is going to ditch with me.’
He chokes over the water he had in his mouth upon hearing this. ‘Ashley is going to ditch school?’
When I nod in agreement, his eyes pop even wider. I don’t blame him, either, because as I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, Ashley is the kind of girl who stays up till late every night to finish a school project that isn’t due until next month or something—she’s that particular about her academic records. And as far as I know, she’s never ditched a single day of school, and if she is ditching it now—on my account, no less—it definitely means that I have been full-on Zombie Ville lately.
‘Impossible’ is all Kevin says after that. We both sit there in silence, watching the sky turn dark, and as stars appear in it. The stars, that used to sparkle like diamonds, now give off light like a rusted pocketknife. Someone took away all their shine too, I take it.
Reminds me of my own self a year earlier, trying to cope with the huge loss of my own. Guess we all find happiness sometime, right?