This time, it is not a joke. A lot of stuff to say, many observations to discuss and, oh yes, a new name for me – which is not very new, because people have called me with that name many times before – is what I have in store for you.
So, shall we?
As you may know, I have a hard time getting involved (romantically) with anyone, as I have my own issues with the male persuasion – which aren’t new, given that someone hurt be real bad some years back, and I’ve never really been able to get out of it.
I think my plight is best conveyed through this little story I wrote ‘Sing To Me In My Dreams’. I suggest you read this first, and then go ahead with this post, because it is always better to know the background beforehand. [Click on the name to open the story]
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So now, assuming that you’ve read the above piece of fiction, I’ll continue:
One, I think I’m cursed or something. Every time I think I’ve finally got something (or someone) I really want to be with, it just doesn’t work out. The first time I tried, the guy turned out to be a total bohunk with zero regard for anyone else’s sentiments.
The second time, my bad luck resulted into someone’s death – and I fully blame myself for what happened.
I know I’m no one to decide whether I am cursed or not, but still – how can I ignore the facts? I mean, hey, bad things happen with everybody, but not always in the same pattern and for the same reason. Now most of you would think I’m paranoid for declaring myself as a bad omen, but whatever. Honestly, I don’t think that’s a bad thing, either. I’ve always been the black sheep of the lot when it came to relations other than family love and friendship.
I guess know I’ll be a little more careful. I shouldn’t have let down my guard in the first place. Could’ve saved a life, probably.
So the point is, I’m back to that ‘anti-love’ thing now, not that anyone’s bothered about me. 
You have no idea how people have reacted to all that I’ve been through. A very good friend of mine said, ‘I don’t think there’s anything new in that. You are the witch of bad romance, Snigdha.’
Beat that, can you? I see people have no limits of degrading themselves. What the hell is wrong with them? Creepy bunch of losers.
You know, if you cannot help me, I sure as hell don’t need your crap. So just get on with it. I’ve had enough nonsense already. I can handle myself well, but a little motivation helps – with the condition that the motivation isn’t an infuriating lecture on ‘unavoidable circumstances’.
I’m hooked to this song by Blue Oyster Cult, and haven’t been able to get it out of my mind since I heard it in Supernatural. And oh, that reminds me, I figured out why I’m suddenly addicted to the show too – because I understand Sam Winchester’s feelings. He thinks he’s cursed too, because he lost his mom and his girlfriend, and couldn’t do a thing about it.
Now, would you still say I’m the only one who has self-destructive and pessimistic thoughts? I know Supernatural is fiction, but there’s a very fine line between story and reality.
Anyways, here’s the video of ‘Burnin’ For You’ :
Got to take your leave now. Enough ranting for the day.
Peace.
Coffee & Curiosity 
Oh, Snigdha!
First of all, please do not blame yourself for Tyler’s death. It hurts me to hear you say that. For whatever reason God had for taking him back, I can assure you it had to do with Tyler and not you.
You are not cursed. Let’s look at each of these events separately.
Your past boyfriend was a jerk. How often does that happen? Often. Very often. The world is full of guys like that, especially when they’re younger and immature.
As for Tyler, well, you can’t deny death is inevitable. It happens to everyone. So, therefore, many people have lost loved ones.
You have suffered two different sorts of heartbreaks, but as both happen all the time, you are not cursed.
That said . . . Snigdha, I hope you get over your first heartbreak. In fact, I have confidence that you WILL get over it, since he was such a jerk; I just hope it happens sooner rather than later.
One immature jerk shouldn’t make you hate love. And death has nothing to do with love, so please don’t allow that loss to cause you to revert to your anti-love philosophy. I’m not saying you should look for a boyfriend. Take it easy, and stay single by all means for several years until you feel truly ready to get into a serious relationship. But don’t dismiss the whole possibility of love’s existence! You don’t have to participate, but please still believe in it!
My heart is with you in your suffering. In the meantime, try to look at all the good things you have, and I hope you shall find many things to be grateful for.
Thanks Avra. I’m glad at least you realize how I feel. I guess you are right about the two different heartbreaks, and that I should look at things differently– the rest I can manage, even not reverting to my anti-love philosophy, but it is definitely going to take time for me to get back to my old, optimistic self.
But I’ll surely try, I promise you.
Yes, I do have many things to be grateful for. My mother, my sister, my friends, especially ones like you and Srishti. 🙂
Thanks again!